Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
