She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
