Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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