remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize