My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
