There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
