is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
