Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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