I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
