what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
