tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
