my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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