my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
