allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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