i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
