I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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