so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im holly from the hills drunk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
