I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
