he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
