he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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