I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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