yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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