1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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