3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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