she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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