Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
