I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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