I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize