Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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