Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
