i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
