You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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