You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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