the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
