You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
