Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize