YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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