I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
