no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?