He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.