There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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