he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
