We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
