I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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