i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
