The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
