Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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