11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
