I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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