the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize