Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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