ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
