Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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