The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
