and you said cock pushups were impossible
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
