I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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