Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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