Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my liver is dry heaving
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
