i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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