Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
